Diary Of A Blonde Newlywed

Dear Diary,

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it’s fun to cook for Bob. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, “Beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve without dressing.” So I didn’t dress. But, Bob happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, “Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.” So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, “Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.” I hunted all over the garden by my mom’s. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, “Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it.” Beat it I did, right over to my mom’s house. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I’m sure I don’t know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday: Today Bob’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. So I put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be the oven, because it still came out hamburger.

Good night, Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

What. The. Fcuk.

I was going thru my stats on SiteMeter for my other blog when a search result popped up and I had to take a moment.

Someone had googled “Baboonaphile”…

I mean HONESTLY!!! What the fuck is that all about then eh?

Sick, sick, sick bastard.

If I ever met you I swear I would have you neutered bitchslap you into next week at least.

Where Do I Begin?

Completely unstructured, this post. I have A LOT to say but am not in the mood to waffle. So will construct this post in point & paragraph form.

* The World Cup Final. What can I say? Owch. Serious owch. Italian wankers champs. Urk.

* I wish I could force people to download the music that I like, just to see what their opinions on it are and maybe we could have a discussion on it. Kinda like a forum. Not an UWC International Council Meeting by any means but a serious sit down would be great. Tracks that I’d like to harass with would mainly be of the loungey / light electronica  / trip-hip hop genre. Confused yet? Good cos so am I.

Tracks :

“The Boogie That Be” – Black Eyed Peas

“I Drive Alone” – Esthero

“After Party” – Koffee Brown

“To Be In Love” – Masters At Work

“Always” – Lisa Shaw

“Fine Day” – Opus III

“Inside And Out” – Feist

“Moody” – Danny Tenaglia

“Don’t Look Back” – Telepopmusik

“I Wish You Love” – Rachel Yamagata

“Magdalena” – Sergio Mendez

“I Never Knew” – Roger Sanchez

“Indra” – Theivery Corporation

“Treasure” – Zuco 103

“Holding On” – Citizen Cope

“Charles” – Beanfield

“High Noon” – Kruder & Dorfmeister

* I had this awesome article from The Washington Post on what an Iraqi life is worth in light of everything that is going on over there. But now I can’t find it. Fantastic!

* I wish I could summarise up in a handful of measly sentences, exactly why and / or how much I love Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone and Dinah Washington. Have been cracking my head for the last 20 minutes but cannot lah. So just take my word for it. There is a serious love thing going on.

Now I’m going to have my lunch and continue tweaking this blog. After that I’m going to have a nap (have been on forced MC for quite a few days already – back problems) and get sorted for tonight. We’re going to be hitting it pretty hard and am really looking forward to some serious partying. Mae’s going back to the UK on Friday so this is her “going-away-but-come-back-and-visit-us-soon” bash.

And uh, that’s about it.

Yeah.

Chin Stroking Whimsy

Things to ponder:

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Brace Yourselves

I moved.

Have decided to move upwards and onwards. Simon really got me thinking about WordPress.

So I took a wander over and liked it so much I decided to stay. Rent free of course.

McWankerism is a ton of fun but there’s only so much Blogger can do. WordPress seems just all that much easier to use and has a few more features for the computer inept like me

So this is my new home now. But Spanky will always still be skulking around (because I’m just a skulker. And skulking, given half a chance, can be quite fun actually).

Am still feeling my way around here so be patient. Am also slowly adding my links so bear with me mmmkay?

Mmmkay.