Chin Stroking Whimsy

Things to ponder:

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?